Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Really? That Long?

Wow. It really has been a long time since I updated this blog.
I've been putting it off, really. Work has been overwhelming, and life, well, life has been exhausting. We've been preparing for a pretty big upheaval in our family. For complicated reasons Z has decided, with my full support, to return to Russia.
Sometimes your idea of how your life will turn out ends up looking completely different from what you expected. I know everyone who reads this can relate to that in some way.
Anyway, Zhenya is leaving the country on September 30th. After that it's just me and the babes. Over the past few weeks I have been alternating between DENIAL and acceptance. I'll let you guess which one has been dominant.
In the course of my short (well I think so, at least) life I have had to do many hard things. I will list them here, to make me feel better.
  • Joining the Army. No really. When I enlisted (1994) there was no war going on, but I had no idea how crazy that decision was until I was:
  • Going Through a Gas Chamber. I nearly peed my pants waiting in line for this lovely part of basic training. Never Again. Until,
  • I had to throw not one, but TWO, live grenades. Trust me. that sound, it's a lot louder than you would ever expect. And then,
  • I arrived at the Defense Language Institute and saw the Cyrillic alphabet for the first time. This is Russian? And I have to LEARN it? OK, but wait:
  • While stationed in Bosnia, translating a dialogue between an old woman and a bunch of Army guys. Basically her ENTIRE family had died in the war and she was all alone. She kept asking me why I wasn't married. The Army guys only wanted to know if there was any suspicious activity in the area. Which do you think she cared about more? Oh and by the way your're
  • Having trouble conceiving. Maybe giving yourself shots in the abdomen will help? So you can be:
  • Pregnant with Multiples! Oh what a blessing! This could lead to:
  • Post Partum Depression, ahh old friend, we meet at last!

Besides the above there are many more examples about how my life has been hard, boo-hoo. And you know what? I made it through. The past is all relative, sometimes it has nothing to do with the present at all. Everything I've ever done can only prepare me for what's to come. I can only hope it has molded me into a person who can deal with the craziness, maybe not alone, but at least with a little support.

So. If you happen to live near me, and have a spare hour or two in the evenings, stop by. On or about October 1st I might be welcoming visitors who a) love the idea of watching boy/girl twins eat dinner and b)wouldn't mind watching Survivor while I read "Goodnight Moon" to Anna and Alex.

And by the way, this is not a permanent situation. Z is coming back, if I have anything to say about it. When he's coming back, is not entirely up to us (President Obabma I'm talking to YOU). So all we can do is wait, and hope it won't be too long. The babies and I will be able to visit him as often as we can.


Michelle said...

I, for one, know that you can do this! The hardest part is going to be doing it the first time alone and hopefully you won't be alone all the time. That's what family is for. We will be there for as much of the support as you can take us.

The Hardels said...

Like Michelle said - you CAN do this! And even though it will be hard on you - it will be hard on Z too! We are always here for you! I hope you know that.